Suicide

 

11.30am 25/1/13

 Back in the mid 90s I wasn’t a happy person and it came to a head one week day in Camden Lock.

I bought a good load of paracetamol in Archway from several different pharmacies and headed to Camden to have a final pint in a pub. With nothing to loose I bought some grass on the street and headed down the path along the side of the canal. I took all the pills sitting on a bench overlooking the water and walked on to Regents Park. When I reached the rose garden it started snowing, in August, was this some kind of sign? I then decided to wait out the end in a cinema but soon started feeling very sick, called an ambulance, got taken to hospital and had my stomach pumped. One of my nadirs.

 Placing the sound system was a powerful event, for the first time it felt like I was releasing some deep karma. I also had a chance to dwell and reflect as the path was busy and I had to wait for a gap. It was also the most intense experience so far on this project and got my adrenalin running, the ghetto blaster was loud in a relatively quite place, it was busy with people and the track left on repeat is not easy listening.

Once I left the spot I walked away quickly with a feeling of being chased. Was the nearby busker, who had clocked me, following to complain about the intervention in his space? Had the police seen what was going on through CCTV? I ducked and dived through the market until I got to Chalk Farm tube.

 I felt lighter, as if I was not carrying something, and I don’t think it was just loosing the weight of the ghetto blaster. Hopefully the busker picked himself up a free present.




The Track


2010
 
 
 
 
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